Yesterday on my way home from work, I was given a lift by a young man whom claimed to have seen me the day before, and wanted to help out but before he turned around according to him, I had disappeared. I almost laughed because I know I do not posses any magical powers, so I explained to him, that I had probably worked farther or gotten into a cab.
We began talking, and all the while he was just listening, so I was a bit surprised when he asked me this question. Carole, what is your perception of marriage in Nigeria? I smiled to myself and wondered if this man was ready to hear what I had to say. Well since he asked, I had to reply abi? continue...
I turned and looked him in the eye and this was what I said. About 90% of people who are married are living in unhappy marriages. Shikena! And he said I couldn’t have given a better answer. So he went ahead to give me his gist, he was hesitant at first but I reminded him, that I was a total stranger and we may never see each other again. He agreed to this and this is what he told me.
“I have been married for a period of 10 years and I have two sons, you would not believe that the last time I touched my wife was before the birth of our second son which was six years ago”. My ears stood up when I heard this, 6 years!!! My God! I wondered then asked him what could be the cause of this? He said he doesn’t know, and as of now he was finally contemplating divorce “my wife and i have been separated for some time now, so we decided to come back together and give it one final try, but instead of getting better, it has only gotten worst. Carole since my ten years of marriage I can't really say that I have enjoyed marriage for a single day. My wife keeps saying things like the next man she is going to marry is going to be loaded like she already has someone on the side.”
I asked him. How long did you guys date and what is your wife saying about this potential divorce? He told me 6 months and that his wife had been the one pushing for the divorce all this while. I asked him if he had ever cheated on her and he just shoved it off, he wasn’t even ready to come clean, even to a stranger, I tried to pry further but he said that was not the case. I was quiet. He then went ahead to tell me “please don’t listen to anyone who tells you, you don’t have to love the person before marriage that the love would grow, because those thing you didn’t like about the person would only be magnified in marriage, no body is perfect but please don’t compromise on anything".
He also complained that the churches are even making it worse because, once you get married no one wants to hear anything about divorce, and further more if you should divorce then you have to stay alone, you cant remarry!
As I listened to this man, I began to wonder. What can we do to make sure we get it right in marriage? because once it goes wrong, it hardly gets right again except you really try (this is what scares the life out of me).
Please take your time, and who knows, the next frog you kiss may just turn out to be your prince charming or princess. There is no hurry in life. At least not in this aspect.
I love hearing from you guys, so please share your thoughts, by leaving a comment, don’t forget to share.
Enjoy the rest of the day.